The First Meeting

3/19/19: 

We took the first step last night.  We went to our very first Foster Care information meeting.  You'd have thought we were getting ready to make a commitment to birthing 100 babies.  We have talked about this endlessly.  Park actually said he wanted another biological baby-- ha! This baby-making machine is closed for business.  Don't get me wrong, I LOVED being pregnant.  I miss feeling those little baby kicks and eating guiltless milkshakes like none other.  I loved pretending I was picking out baby names and trying new ones on for size, even though I had my baby names picked out since i was 10. And,  I was that "Meghan Markle" mom who rubbed my belly incessantly, to the point of annoying others (News Flash: NO ONE is trying to steal the baby out of your belly. Take your hands off it). 

But for the sake of being frank and probably WAY TMI for my very first virgin blog post, the hemorrhoids I suffered with baby #3 we were enough to close up shop for good (think surgeries both DURING and AFTER pregnancy.  It was horrific).  And even after a couple glasses of wine now and I start to think "what if"...I am so completely blessed with my three angels God has given me, and I truly am excited for this next chapter of my life.  

But my heart is still yearning for something.  Years ago, when I was the anchor for a statewide program called "West Virginia Tonight Live", I did a segment called "Finding A Family." We profiled children throughout West Virginia, who were legally in need of adoption.  I would be in touch with the DSS worker and have them ask the child what their favorite thing to do was.  Sometimes we went to the park, sometimes we went shopping at the mall, sometimes we went to a motorcycle store, sometimes we went to a playhouse.  I always wanted the child to feel special, like what they said mattered.  I'd get to know them, make them feel comfortable, we'd usually eat something first...then we'd start rolling.  I asked a lot about what they liked to do and what makes them happy.  Their sweet little faces would light up when I asked questions like that.  It was as if no one had ever asked them that before, or even cared about what made them happy.  Probably because no one had.  Each time I did an interview with a child, I left wanting to just scoop them under my wing and take them home with me.  At the time, Park and I were newly married and didn't have kids yet, so I knew the timing wasn't right.  But it always stuck with me.  And I always promised myself that I would do something, that I would make a change.  Those children...those sweet, precious, innocent little children...ranging in ages of three to 17...it was like they all had the same answer when I asked them this simple question.  Even the 17 year old boy, who was about to age out of the system all together.  "Why do you want a family?" "I just want someone to love me." 

So here we are. The first step of this journey; completing the "Foster Parent Orientation." There were about 15 people there tonight and we watched videos and asked questions.  Many of the people there were older.  Some couldn't have biological children.  We were the only couple with young kids.  Are we crazy for doing this?? 

To be perfectly honest, we ARE scared of what comes next.  We are here with open hearts and open minds and open arms.  But we also have three young children now.  So we have to think about them.  Will this be good for them? What if we get a child whose bad behavior rubs off on ours? What is the right age range to request for fostering? What if we fall in love and have to send them back to a family we know isn't good for them? What if, what if, what if....

God has this.  God has planted a seed in our hearts, He has given us a means of providing for our beautiful family and the ability to do more.  I cannot stand reading in the paper about how foster children are abused, neglected, or worse-- DIE in the care of foster parents.  There is a sick place in hell for those people.  These children are coming to you at the lowest, most vulnerable points of their little lives.  At a time when they need someone to protect them, to love them, to BE THERE for them.  Who takes advantage of that? Or misuses that incredible responsibility? 

We are not taking this lightly, and we are doing every thing in our power to make sure we know what we are getting into.  It won't be easy.  It won't be Pinterest worthy or Facebook Post brag-bait... I am fully prepared to be woken up at 2 AM because the mother and father were just arrested for baking meth in their kitchen and their child had to be carried out of the home kicking and screaming and thrown into a police car.  And since there isn't a family member they can go to, the police then call DSS.  Who then will call us. 

But is it weird to say that I'm a little excited? I feel God has given me a true mother's heart, and I am looking forward to serving these children.  To be there for them.  To read to them, because maybe they've never had a book read to them before.  To cook for them, because maybe they've never eaten a vegetable before.  To show them what love feels like.  Even if it's for a brief time.  I pray they will look back on us with memories and moments that will carry them through this beautiful and messy life.  And that is enough for me.